Glass Half Full

I’ll be blunt.

Anguish, bewilderment

One of those days when you’re trying to do long division with decimals without morning coffee.

Sketchy Guy

Cartoons Vs. Boredom

My site’s glorious title, Cyborg Ape, comes from a pile of ludicrous cartoons I drew in high school.

I used any excuse to draw a cartoon at any time. In the ninth-grade, I had to design a make-believe business as a group project. For lack of any non-idiotic ideas, we decided to enter the market in extra-terrestrial investigation, naming our startup ‘The UFO Patrol’. The snazzy graphics were the bulk of the “work” I put into it.

And this is my rendition of a goofy French teenager we saw in a video. I am deeply sorry to any French teenagers who take this offensively. It’s not you.

(Challenge: Can you draw someone more hyperbolically happy than this?)

I often drew between classes, at lunch or any other free moment during the school day. Check out this next alien-themed masterpiece. An unfortunate newborn is chosen by a pair of extra-terrestrial scientists as a specimen for human experiments.

The researchers attempt to communicate with the earthling, which their hypothesis had assumed would have an advanced intellect.

Disappointed with the obvious conclusion, they eject the baby out into deep space.

The End

I did not intend for my pregnant teacher to see this, but she looked out of curiosity. Apparently not seeing the humor, she asked why I couldn’t put this much time and effort into schoolwork. Isn’t the answer obvious? This was my escape.

Alternate ending: The baby whips out his bottle, which the aliens perceive as a weapon that projects a deadly chemical substance.

With the ship now vacant, the baby zooms off to start a life of space exploration, leaving two queer little aliens stranded on Earth. “It has commandeered our vessel,” one of them says.

Über Pwnage

*Sigh* … … Just let him hold onto what dignity he has.

Harry Oldman

I’d stay off his lawn if I were you.